Courage is the way to catch

It takes courage to win in life. Whether you’re freelancing, selling info or physical products, or promoting other people’s goods for some commissions, courage is key. It’s the way to catch that dream at the end of all the effort. But what if you hear a totally opposite call? Will you take the courage to listen to and pursue it?

Whatever you’re pursuing in life, courage is the way to catch the dream

Taking courage can mean going forward with what you’ve already started. But, it could also mean changing directions when you’ve already been seeing the signs and hearing a new call.

Today, we’ll unpack what that practically looks like through the musings of a freelancer, solopreneur, and digital creator.

But first…

Name change and reasons

You might have noticed the changes in the name, the “logo,” and the cadence of this newsletter. Instead of “KCL Thoughts on the Road,” and “KCL’s musings while on the road of freelancing and transforming oneself from Zero to CEO,” we’re changing things to “Thoughts on the Abundant Road” and “When the journey itself is abundant, the destination is an infinite cycle of happiness.” I posted about this change around three weeks ago.

Now, I’ve got some reasons to share, but if it doesn’t help you in any way, feel free to skip this part and read on.

So anyway, the changes. Why these changes? Here’s the quick answer: I want to free up some time and change my direction a little bit. From publishing weekly, I’d switch to publishing a LinkedIn newsletter edition only monthly. I have a few other sites to fill up — that’s one thing. And, I realized from one of Carlo Mercado’s newsletters that I also, like him, don’t want the hassle involved in running an agency. Hence, I don’t want to dwell on the “CEO” label anymore.

Now, courage

What about that freelancing business thing, Karen? Isn’t this whole change thing a sign you’re not being courageous about it anymore?

These are questions I hear in my heart. These are also inquiries some readers of this newsletter might ask. It’s a slightly fearful thing to confront, I know. But sometimes, you do have to be honest with yourself and what you really want to pursue.

What do you want, then?

To borrow the idea from my mentor John Pagulayan:

Most people actually don’t know what they want. Instead, they know what they don’t want.

Now, I clearly know that I want to serve the growing vegan community. But, there are tons of ways to do so, all without having to build an agency.

At this point, the uninitiated may ask. What’s in an agency that you’re too concerned about?

Well, for starters, freelancing doesn’t have to be a one-human show. It can expand to such extents as to put up a team. Why a team? Simple. To meet the demands of a growing number of clients.

Then again, that’s growing wide. But, you could also grow deep so you could stay being a one-human show. A solopreneur — that’s what you’d call it. Of course, you could still grow wide as a soloist. You could build a course and still serve many.

Or, you could grow deep and smartly wide by being like Coach Carlo. The way he does things is quite admirable. Here’s the summary: He has a monthly minimum 6-figure income goal (note: this is in PHP), and then he invests a specific percentage of that income. His vision? An abundant retirement in the near future. As long as he keeps that 6-figure monthly income going, while having roughly 2 clients at most, he stays sane and afloat.

Now that’s quite a comfortable style for a certain group of humans. You’d call them introverts. But, they had to be this specific kind of introverted people. Some introverts do want and prefer to run an agency. Others? Nah. They’re much like Carlo.

So, what about those still starting?

If there’s anything I’m slightly worried about for anyone reading this, it’s this thing. Could I possibly be discouraging other starters from moving forward? By writing this piece, am I swaying freelancers and aspiring agency owners in another direction?

Uhm, at least that’s not my intention.

What I’m trying to say is that you sometimes don’t know what you really want until you’ve tried and tried a number of things. As they always say, “action breeds clarity.” If you’ve never yet applied the lessons, and your fear is just all in your head, then let me be the very first to say this. By all means, my friend, try it, just do it!

Well, of course, of course, some people intuitively know in their hearts and minds what’s not for them. And kudos to these people. But what about the confused? Again, here’s another piece of wisdom from freelancing mentors: “confusion results from inaction.” And I agree. So, if you’re still starting, then by all means explore first. And then you’ll see objectively what’s working or not working for you.

Okay, so how do I know what’s working for me?

Here comes the tricky part. Humans are a diverse bunch. We do have patterns and tendencies, yes. And those tendencies are predictable. The patterns are so fascinating that there’s an entire site dedicated to geeking out about MBTI and the Enneagram types of movie characters, celebrities, politicians, and whatnot. You could create an account there and start a lifetime adventure of discovering more about yourself.

And that’s part of the point. You may need a little bit of self-awareness to know what really works for you.

The quest for a noble character

Even without citing a few resources, we already know how people build up who they are from a combination of the following:

• their environment
• their beliefs
• the choices they repeatedly make

So, when a human is born, the individual comes to the world, and to a specific environment in that world. In many people’s cases, that environment is just too harsh. There are abusive parents. There are unkind authority figures who only seek to control. That kind of environment puts the newborn into a rough start. Interestingly, that same environment also feeds certain beliefs into the child. As children grow up, they tend to copy whatever the adults are doing. Whatever goes through their eyes and ears becomes the definition of “normal.”

Obviously, when children are given a rough start, they tend to overcorrect their experience when they reach their teenage years. That’s when you’d mostly see them acting rebellious. Truth is, they’re only wanting to make sense of the what-is versus the what-should-be. And because of the abuse they’ve experienced early on, they swing to the other extreme side. It’s as if, like a droplet of water that hits the ground, they seek equilibrium. They take the shape that will give them balance and will preserve their energy. Take the lesson deeper into the heart, and you would sense these teenagers are only seeking the rawest form of justice.

Yes, justice. Most people don’t realize they’re clamoring for justice from the deepest core of their gut. They do know they don’t want to get cheated on or looked down on. In their hearts, they scream a fight for equal opportunities. But, while they do want that just treatment for themselves, they sometimes can’t afford to give it to others.

Reason? They haven’t experienced it themselves. All their lives, they were dealt with a bad hand. They got treated unjustly, so they treat others the same way. Okay, let me repeat that but this time, let’s express the idea in simpler terms. The bully has once been bullied. Yes, and the fool who acts like a loser — he’s likely been fooled the same way before.

A cycle of abuse

Do you see how all these injustices breed into an endless cycle? Unsurprisingly, we already have a term for that these days. It’s called the generational cycle of trauma. It’s when the hurt passes on from one generation of children to the next. It’s when the parent, having been abused as a child, passes on the abusive behavior to their child. Then the child, growing up hurt and unhealed, passes the same nature of abusive conduct on to their child, and so on. It’s a cycle. And the trauma, the scars, the wounds — all of these get passed on like a torch in the race — from one generation to the next, and the next, and the next.

Where are we going with this?

At this point, we’ll take a moment to stop and think. What’s all this talk about trauma have to do with courage?

Well, there’s at least this book called, “The Courage to be Disliked.” Generally, I’d say I like it, although I haven’t finished reading it yet.

Even so, from the title itself, you’d realize so many people have negative preconceptions about themselves. Most of these preconceptions center around the idea that they’re “dislikeable.” There are plenty of reasons why that’s the case, but the core, the most basic ideas, are again, rooted in trauma.

People, freelancers, and aspiring business owners out there have had a face-to-face experience with trauma at least once in their lives. Of course, what’s considered traumatic to some may not be as harsh as the abuses other people had to live with. Then again, all humans have had their share of unjust experiences. Hearing demeaning words is just one of these. And words — they’re too powerful.

Precisely, it’s because of these unkind words that some dreamers lose their courage to go on. Sometimes, they keep replaying these words in their heads, feeding and empowering their negative beliefs about themselves. All this would sound disheartening to the listener. The listener would likely weep in silence.

So, courage. How does one find courage?

It depends. For a number of people, inspirational stories work. Testimonials outlining other people’s successes and how they went from rags to riches could drive some to materialize their own success stories. Then again, a few would think about how different they are from all these now-successful individuals. These few would not find any hope where the majority will.

How do we go about helping these individuals? From experience, I know at least one person who ticks all the boxes of being a trauma victim. But, this person is now at least carving a path that’s clearly aligned with her. And yes, aligned is a keyword.

You see, with any abused individual, there’s still that tiny bit of hope left in their heart, as long as they’re still alive. They may not be totally conscious of it, but they do have a little light inside their souls, albeit dim, faint, and frail.

If you happen to have access to such a person, you could work on that tiny spark inside of them. You could be with them as they themselves pause and think through what they love doing. And yes, love is another keyword here.

Love, again

To put it simply, every human has something they love doing and pursuing. It’s something they’re effortlessly good at, and it’s a way to enjoy themselves even if they’re not getting anything in return for all the effort they’ve spent on it. It’s their joy. It’s their “life.”

Some people call this thing their passion. Others have expanded the idea to include being able to feed oneself from it, too, and being able to serve others with it. Hence the term “ikigai.” Another calls it “the zone of genius.” Whatever you call it, it’s in you, and it’s in anyone, albeit in different forms.

And what does all that have to do with courage?

Simple. Courage is not always about braving the unknown. Sometimes, it’s also about accepting what you already know deep within your heart about what you want to pursue. It just takes courage to do so, primarily because you will likely have thought about how the rest of the world might react.

But that’s exactly where the title of the book “The Courage to be Disliked” comes in. Not everyone will like what you have to pursue. It pays to take advice, of course, but it takes real courage to go against the grain and to believe in what you know has been calling you all your life.

All this sounds blabberish. Doesn’t it?

Maybe to some, sure. Remember, not all people are wired the same way. You — being the composite of your environmental background from childhood, plus all your embedded beliefs, plus all your choices — you have something to offer that’s uniquely yours.

Then again, it doesn’t have to be what others are already doing. Most of the time, you’ll discover what’s truly yours when you put down your noisy phone, go out in nature, reflect, journal, introspect, and meditate. And the answer — it often doesn’t look “right” to many.

But what is “right” anyway, my dear?

To make sure we’re not making this piece any longer than it should, “right” is simply all about being aligned with the one principle that unifies all laws of existence, physics, sustainability, well-being, happiness, and life. It’s called love. You see, the principle of love is actually the theory of everything, which means that it’s also what explains which behaviors promote life and existence, and which don’t.

Following that train of thought, “right” is about doing everything according to love. And love doesn’t force or coerce. Instead, it gives freedom. It seeks to give. It’s self-giving. And it seeks the welfare of others. It’s other-centered.

So what about “me” and my dreams?

Simple, dear. You come second. It’s ironic, I know. But, it’s when the “ you” is second that you actually find what you love.

You see, love, in the first place, is all about relationships. And I know there’s all this talk about self-love, but think of all that talk in the context of the trauma and abuse cycles that run in families. The reason why we’re so hungry for self-love is that everyone else is not loving others in the first place.

And the way to break that cycle? It’s about changing directions.

This time, instead of thinking of the “me,” let’s think of our object of love. Instead of directing our attention inward, let’s actually direct it outward.

Really, think about it. A human being will choose to die if they don’t find their life meaningful anymore. When does that happen? It’s when they feel they don’t have something or someone to live for anymore. That something or someone is their object of love.

If they don’t feel they have such an object or recipient of love anymore, they won’t move forward. Instead, they would rather cut their lives short. They find no meaning or purpose in living onward, anyway.

So, there’s that. Take time to reflect and you’ll realize everything you’re living for now is relational in nature. Even if you’re trying to pursue things for yourself, there’s always that part of you, no matter how faint, that knows at some tipping point you won’t push through if there’s no one to share a fruitful life with. It doesn’t even have to be a lifetime partner. It just has to be outside of yourself.

Courage: in closing

Dear friend, are you, at this point, doing things that are not in harmony with the principle of love? Are you perhaps forcing things?

Remember the threefold description of love’s purest form, and then live by it.

Love is non-coercive, meaning it doesn’t force anyone or anything.

It’s self-giving, meaning it always involves giving a part of yourself.

It’s other-centered, meaning it always seeks to benefit some “other” outside of yourself.

Sure, sure. The nature of whatever you’re pursuing right now may already be “other-centered” in the sense that it’s already serving many. But how do you actually serve well?

Isn’t serving well and excellently well only possible when you’re being true to your soul and not forcing an image you’re clearly not?

You may already be self-giving and other-centered, but what about the “non-coercive” part? Don’t some of us perhaps coerce or force things? Doesn’t doing so literally take the life out of our own souls?

My dear friend, it takes courage to confront these questions.

But, if you’re on the road to catch this breathtaking experience called life, the courage to choose love and to pursue what you truly love — that kind of courage will make the adventure itself worthy and abundant.

#ThoughtsontheAbundantRoad

Originally published at https://www.linkedin.com.